A Fool’s Hope

An optimist, a charmer, trapped in a world of undeniable lunacy
I skip, and then crawl, through a land where everything is obvious but nothing makes sense
I question the ways of the world
But the deeper I delve the more lost I become
My mind often escapes me; it tries momentarily to follow the voice of reason
But when it returns I can only battle to remember the lessons learnt
I love, I hurt and I enjoy with unrivalled passion
My smile is my best friend, and my only saviour in those moments of terrible uncertainty
I am articulate yet dumb, unable to express the feelings that haunt me day and night
And it is always ALWAYS to my detriment
I frustrate everyone around me, and it is the ones closest to me that I hurt most
Beware the curse of my love, I will always injure through my ignorance
To be able to express myself would be to find infinite fulfilment
But the trail of broken hearts suggests that this is a futile quest
Run when you hear the big friendly giant’s footsteps in the hall
A revelation has been made; the prince of darkness is a mute.

Alas cry for me not, this alien needs no sympathy
My happiness is by no means a façade; it is my way of life
A great burden has been lifted from the shoulders of one equally great in stature
And the sweetness of revelation and relief cloud my senses
I shall live, shall love, and shall endure
I will always regret the blades of my flaws, and the damage they have dealt
I am grateful that I was able to feel the power of uncomplicated ecstasy
If only for a short period of time
I would have loved to have wallowed longer in that pool of pleasure
But I can only blame myself for my demise
I am ashamed of myself, and that I have corrupted the greatest feeling I ever dared to call my own
I will always miss the warmth of her feelings and the beauty of her smile
My good fortunes to the man who can compensate where I fall short
Words fail to describe the bliss your future holds
Return her love as I could not, and give her the happiness she deserves
Think of me in passing, as the disastrous precedent, have a laugh at my expense.

The trials and tribulations of a hopeless romantic
A man more lost for words then any that’ve come before him
He who is foolish enough to part with the greatest gift of all
And he who will, to all but his own conscious, seem ignorant of such a loss
The happiest man that ever there was and the only man in history to take pride in his coxcomb!

Written May 2002, a desperate attempt to stop my first gf from breaking up with me due to my horrible inability to express my feelings. It worked, and we dated for a couple years. Have always thought of this as the first poem I wrote for pleasure, and the turning point in the relationship. A large part of my the reason I write today.